Dear Sir or Madam

I have been teaching Creative Philosophy at the University of Malarkey for over forty years now and I have noticed great changes in the manner and viewpoint of students.

When I was up at Oxford, we gentlemen wore suits and were proud of it. The ladies, those that were allowed to attend, wore attire that was modest and suitable unlike some female students of today who seem to think that it is decorous to parade on the quadrangle in apparel that would not have enough material in it to make a decent sized Union Jack! And while I am still able to admire a well turned ankle, one does blush slightly at the view a skirt, barely thicker than a stout belt can provide.

Another area in which I see great changes is the drinking habits of students. Again in my day a few of us fellows would cycle to The Spread Eagle in Thame for an evening’s gentle entertainment but the college grounds were not the scenes of unbridled lasciviousness that they are sadly today.

I am therefore making it my duty to raise the standards in our great universities up and down this great country of ours.

I shall write again

Yours Sincerely

Professor Oddmore Blimey-Blimey